God is Enough in My Brokenness

(I originally wrote this in September but am sharing it with you now at the Spirit's prompting. I pray it touches one or more of you today as you read it for the first time in God's perfect timing.) 

Yesterday was a breaking point for me. The kind where I was ugly sobbing in the evening kind of breaking point.  

The short story is that two months ago I received a soul-punch of conviction where I had to look deeper at my motives for something. That started me on an overwhelming two months of checking my motives constantly and addressing some deeper issues I'm discovering. It's mentally & emotionally exhausting.  

I finally shared this full story to my husband yesterday and it wrung me out.  

Just a couple hours later in the day I got an email from my son's teacher that he's been having continual struggles with something in school so we're going to discuss it today and try to find a positive solution for us all.  

I got to my daughter's school to pick her up and she'd also had a rough behavior day.  

I was feeling pretty defeated by this point.  

We got to my son's school for pick-up and another mom in the parking lot stopped me to tell me what was happening. The school has just gone into a Code Red lockdown because a woman was irate in the cafeteria picking up her child from aftercare.

I don't know the details, but it seems there was no true threat of any physical danger. The staff were being highly cautious though and I appreciate that.  

But panic gripped me as this mom was explaining what was happening and the cops show up in a large number around me.  

I tried going to get my son, but we weren't allowed in. So, I stood outside with my daughter praying.  

Shortly after, a cop walked out with the woman who was willing and appeared relatively calm.  

Within 10 minutes I had my son with me, and he was complaining I had interrupted him making his necklace. 😢 In passing, he mentioned he had been locked on a room and couldn't come out.

And that was it for him. He moved on. 

But not me. With everything coming to a head in one afternoon, I broke.  

We got home and I curled in bed to cry; to release all the built-up emotions I hadn't fully shared with anyone. I was shaken by that Code Red and let it all fall out. 

Later that night, my dear friend Nicole validated me. I had said I was making a mountain out of molehills, and she corrected me. Everything I've been going through was mountains. Today, in one afternoon, my mountains came together, and it was enough to break anyone.  

As she validated me I ugly cried. Again.  

I needed that validation so badly. That reminder that I had a Lot on my plate and didn't need to carry it myself.  

She called out the book we're writing together and reminded me that God is enough for me in my brokenness.  

Y'all I was so broken yesterday, and God was with me at every point. He held my hand; he protected my son and he sat with me as I cried out all my brokenness.  

This morning, I awoke with a lighter heart and puffy eyelids. I sat in stillness and silence with God and just laid my head on his lap because I have no control over anything that happened yesterday. So, I surrendered it all to him, begging him to carry it all for me.  

As I imagined him simply smiling down at me, I knew he already had things in hand. He was already taking care of me and my loved ones. I could rest safe in his arms and trust him to show me what steps come today.  

God is enough for me in my brokenness and he's enough for your brokenness as well.  

Find silence & stillness today. Rest your head in his lap and trust him with your burdens. He's already got this; you just need to let go and let him work.  

Rooting for you friends in all our brokenness where we are loved anyway.